Inspiration

Failure in love is second best source of inspirations on the planet, right after falling in love.

You don't really care for music, do you?

It's my favourite line, as of now. From the song "Hallelujah" - Rufus Wainwright of the Shrek soundtrack.

Thank you Mr. Drain Bamage for introducing me to this song.

What this line means to me -

Sometimes, I get bugged. I get bugged with everyone, everything, including music. (Shocking, eh? I can't figure that one out, myself.) I get so bugged, I stop caring. And that's when I tend to hurt people around me. But those who know me, wait. The others just misunderstand , which is perfectly understandable. Not their fault, is it? And this gives me food for soul searching. Why am I the way I am? Is it me or the circumstances? What can I do to not be like this? Do I want to change? Can't I accept myself this way? Can the world? Do I care?

Too many questions and no answers but that's what I'm depending on you for.

Over to you

The reason to be

It's a sine function. This life. Goes up. Goes down. And then up again. People call it "the highs" and "the lows" of life. I call them crests and troughs. Makes the nerd in me smile.

For me, life was a constant high. But then when the low came, it was L.O.W. Here's the thing. When you're on a high wave, you can't think of what it would feel like to be on a low. Hell, you don't even entertain the thought of there ever being a low. Wherein, when stuck in a rut, we lose all hope. I believe it's human nature. We may hear a lot of stories about the persistence and perseverance of the human spirit. But honestly, we know better. These are far a few in between. The tendency of the majority of the people is to give up.

I have always flirted between giving up and persisting. I've had good enough reasons to lose all faith in humanity, the concept of love, the idea of truth and the reason to exist. But unknowingly, I kept hanging, by a thin wire. A wire so thin, even I failed to see it. I was under the assumption that this is it, there is no getting back up from this. I had hit rock bottom.

But then, at the risk of sounding clichéd, things changed. Not overnight though. Slowly. Gradually. The trough rose to become a crest. I rose again, with the help of that thin wire that had persisted, unknowingly. Had it been not that, I probably would've slipped into an abyss of no return.

It's good to be back. But the fear of slipping back lingers on, somewhere, inside me. It's this fear I guess, that make's me want to enjoy this feeling of ecstasy, for it might be transient. But I risk trifling the entire experience. It's like being in a conflict zone. Life has taught me otherwise. But there is this strange force that pulls me towards what most people would call as being a suicidal option. But it's my hearts calling. Though I am logician for most part, but this, has totally clean bowled it. My logic just can't figure this one out. As a matter of fact, I have stopped trying to figure it out. "Just go with the flow", like someone says.

For those reading this, most of you don't know me. Few do. Even fewer actually do. It's the people closest to me who might fail to understand, or accept, whatever is written here. For it's not what is expected of me. Even I didn’t expect this out of me. I am a hard headed person. Once my mind is made up about something, it’s made up. For something to come along and change my perspective, my opinion, my decision, so subtly, it has to be something special. More than special.

This one is for you.

Update

You know you were born in the 80's in India when..
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I remember

I remember the days when mothers would use the mother dairy milk pack to wrap chapatis for lunch.

Just on a side note: I am planning to start a Facebook Group : You know you were born in the 80's in India when....