Hope Leaves

For most people hope is something they hold on to. Hope is a motivation to keep moving on, to keep trying, cause they have the hope something good will happen. Hope of a better day, of happiness is what keeps me from living. As long as there is hope I cannot live because the one thing I need to live is the one thing I know I cant have yet this hope keeps coming back. What is the point of this hope? It is a reason to keep living; we need that don't we. This hope I need to live kills me from the inside. When Hope Leaves I come to life. When hope leaves life is pure chaos, There is no meaning, no definition, no structure just a drift of time. The best part of this drift is that there is no aim no conclusion, no results. It is almost a trance like state, where the world around either moves very fast and you remain in the same place or it stops moving. Is one better than the other, I wonder? Not sure if I'd call it better but, the stage where the world stops moving is rather dangerous, because then you can see and realize where you are and this trance can be broken. Broken trance is the problem with being in the trance in the first place, because now you realize that the world has moved from where it was and you are exactly where you were. Leaving a feeling of loneliness, desire and unfulfillment. This is why you entered the trance in the first place. So as I sit here, I am waiting for this hope to leave so I can go back to the trance in which the world moves so much faster than I, cause I don't want to understand or realize anyone, anything anymore.