You can tell me anything you want... I am here to listen

FUCK ASS SHIT PISS... SON OF A GOD DAMNIT FICKING AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
and that is how i feel right now... someone please come over and punch me right in the gut... hang on, not one punch go for a bloody air raid.... hell i'll even fucking pay u....
dont worry i am not capable for hurting anyone else... so whoever decides to show up dont worry u'll be safe... i mean u could start by kicking me in the balls and then i am down like a motherfucker then even if i was capable of hurting u i wont be able to...
this next bit is the result of trusting someone else to be as strong as I, this is the product of my second biggest mistake...
first one was that i made a decision for u without telling u anything about it...
this second one is tht i trusted u to gain the knowledge and not change forever... u r only human i forgot, for which i am sorry... i wish the non-human in me was a little stronger... to have known better to have not been so week for u... to........... oh fuck it none of this matters anymore... read, fuck, forget... someone make me forget all i know... i want to lose the knowledge that there is someone out there that can end this pain forever but is afraid of me...

For those who cant follow my mindfuck the title preety much started all of this and this is where the actual post starts....

i had been dieing slowly but today a big piece broke off...
i was trying to make peace with the loss... the loss of hope...
then i saw the last thing hope left me before it disappeared...
a card, with words in it that i dont understand...
come back take this gift with you because it hurts being reminded of wht i have lost and will not get to c again...
funny enough tht wont help either... this is one piece of u that i have forever i just want it to not burn this hole inside me like it does...
i will follow everything you say, even to stay away...
but i ask u why did u smile at me before u told me to go away...
y did u tell me u care before letting go forever...
y didnt u stab me when u thought i was capable of hurting you...
y did u say i am allowed to be angry and i am allowed to be mean...
y did i listen to u...
y didnt i just be alone quite and lonely by myself where u couldnt hear all i said...
y did i say u were dead to me... cause ur death would lead to mine...
y did u make me talk...
cause u didnt want me to be alone in my time of need...
well then y did u leave me to b alone forever...
y am i here... i dont belong in this place...
i can do wht u cant... and thats y u punish me...
y didnt u just listen to me when i told u i was not here...
not all that is left is eternal loneliness, this shiver that wont go away even though the body is burning up...
oh well..... now that u r gone i wish for u all the happiness that could have been mine...
i wish upon me all the sorrows that are yours...
i trade eternal damnation for myself to gift u eternal happiness...